My odyssey from hate began, when I really understood and accepted, that animals were going to act according to their inherent nature. In other words, a sleeping dog is likely to bite someone bothering it, because that is the nature of sleeping dogs. Even the friendliest dog may bite its’ beloved master when disturbed while sleeping. This is just pure instinct for dogs.  A spider will bite, a bee will sting, whenever the conditions exist for them to instinctually do so.

   Therefore, it followed that to hate animals for what they did out of instinct, was illogical. By understanding that animals act out of instinct and by knowing what those instincts were, I came to respect animals more. And I quit hating the way animals sometimes acted.

   This led me to understand that plants and other inanimate objects were the same way. They behaved according to their innate characteristics. For instance, an atom bomb, when the conditions are right they explode. That’s just the way it is. As I learned to accept the reality of the nature of inanimate objects, I learned not to hate them. 

   I didn’t see humans in the same way though. People were still on my list of justifiable hatred. After all, didn’t people have the intelligence and training to behave in a reasonable manner? Didn’t society teach us what was right and wrong? Like most people, I used to hate all sorts of things and people. Especially, I hated people. People can be uncaring, rude, and meaner than any other animal there ever was. And I hated myself, for not being able to live up to my own expectations. Yep! I tore my gut apart just hating everybody and everything about humans. 

   Then it occurred to me that hatred was stupid. I didn’t want to be stupid. Being stupid was one of the things that I hated about myself. Now I ain’t no psychologist dude.  But, I have learned a thing or two in my life.  Learning that hatred is stupid is one of them. When I was feeling hatred for something, my blood pressure went up, my stomach got upset, and my thinking went bonkers. My friends couldn’t stand being around me. Girl friends got scarred and quit seeing me. All of which gave me reasons to hate even more. Yet, I was a considered a typical person. A little high strung, but typical all the same. Nobody ever told me to quit hating. They told me to watch my temper, but they never said anything about the hatred that caused me to have a temper. I suppose that was why it took me so long to figure out that hatred was ruining my life. See, people used to point out that I did dumb things when I was obviously angry, but no one pointed out it was because of the hatred, that I became angry easily.

   In fact, in society hatred is considered a good thing, as long as you hate what you are supposed to hate.  I don’t think that I have to go into detail about this. We can all think of examples of things that are socially acceptable to hate. My confusion came up when people expressed a hatred for some type of animal. I had learned not to hate snakes, spiders, and other creepy crawly animals, so I didn’t understand why others couldn’t recognize the stupidity of hating them.

   I don’t remember exactly how or when, but it occurred to me that others were like me. Not in a physical sense or that we thought alike, but deep down in their souls where it really mattered. Being an Atheist at the time, I thought of the soul as being the genetic essence of Homo sapiens. The intangible substance that made us human. That when all was considered, we are more alike than we are different. And just as I had learned to hate and do hateful things, it only followed that others would have learned to do so as well. Then I begin to see people not as “evil,” but as differently conditioned animals. 

   This is when I really began to question why I hated. And why others hated and did hateful things. I found that it was easier for me try to understand how come others acted as they did, rather than trying to focus on why I am the way I am. Exploring my own motivations was too hard emotionally for me to gain any real insight. I had to explore others’ motivations first, and then reflect back on why I thought and behaved as I do. This gave me the ability to divorce myself from my own emotions and really consider what caused hatred. Examining others, made it possible for me to be more objective about myself. So, I began to think about all of the things that I knew about psychology and people in general.

   I started with a concept I heard, I don’t remember where or when, that it takes six seconds for fear to turn to rage. This means that, when something scares us, we become angry and hateful very quickly. The more intense the fear, and the longer it lasts, the more intense the anger and hatred. This concept allowed me to figure out why I hated.  By considering what I hated, I was able to identify what it was that I feared. Then I was able to mitigate my hatred by learning not to fear the thing I hated. Which is much easier said than done.

   We are always going to have fearful situations. It is a part of life. Being fearful is a necessary part of our “genetic programming” that helps keep us from doing really dangerous things. Fear keeps us alive long enough to reproduce. Yet too much fear, keeps us from becoming all that we could become. I knew that I could not completely eradicate my fears, nor did I want to do so, but I wondered is there anything I could do to mitigate my fears? In considering this, I found that there were things I could do. 

   Now I’m not talking about irrational fear, that people should see a psychiatrist about. I’m talking about normal everyday justifiable fear.  I found that by having a better understanding of the things that I feared, I was able to fear them less. I also realized that things that caused me fear, are not as dangerous as I let myself imagine. And experience has taught me that people are not as powerful in determining my life as I once gave them credit for. So, I was able to mitigate the fears I had of people and things. And I allowed myself the privilege of no longer hating them.

   Still there was the ultimate fear of death. A fear that allows others to control us. The fear that leads many to religion. As it did me. As a child, I was taught to fear death.  And of course, the Sunday school teacher who taught me to fear death, had an answer for this fear. It was to completely trust in what she was teaching me, about what others had taught her. Later in life, when I had actually conceived my morality, I turned once more to the people who said that they had all of the answers. This turned out to be a mistake. I found that they feared death more than the Atheist, who only saw oblivion in the end. That the books they worshiped were full of inconsistencies and illogical assumptions.  Something which grated in my mind. So, I became an Atheist. 

   As an Atheist, I was free to think. I was able to consider whether the paradigms that guided my life were valid and logical, or just what others had programmed into me. Still, I found that it did not give me the answers I sought. I continued to explore revealed religions, to see if I could find one that was logical. I came across Buddhism. The Buddha taught that a religion had to be logical. At last, I thought, I found a religion that made sense. I was a Buddhist for many years. Then I had an epiphany. For a Buddhist to become enlightened, there had to be something outside of them that could give them the enlightenment. That is when I discovered God. Not the anthropomorphic God of Abraham, but an essence in the universe that just is. 

   This was a profound insight for me. While a Buddhist, I had learned to accept things as they were. And by accepting God as God is, rather than how I wanted God to be, I found many of the answers to the questions I had been asking all of my life. Knowing that there was something bigger than me, that was able to understand me and others, gave me peace.   I no longer feared death. For if there is a God, then death is nothing to fear. Life is just something that God creates for some purpose. For life to exist, than there must be death. Since there is a God, then death has a purpose. So, it is nothing to fear. And there is nothing to fear in the supernatural, since there is no supernatural, just God. Without fear of death, there was no longer a good reason to hate. 

   Admittedly, I still fear and hate pain. I am still working on getting rid of that fear. What is important at this point, is that I am working on getting rid of my fears so that I hate less. By hating less, I am improving my life. And hopefully, the lives of the people around me.